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Volunteering... [May. 7th, 2008|07:23 pm] [ Tags | children, difficulties, musing, voluntary work ] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | singing to myself..... ] I have always done some form or the other of voluntary work, but have been careful to let it occupy only my "spare" time and not let it encroach upon time that is devoted to the spouse and the household. But that is changing now.... For the past few years, I have been shaken out of my comfortable existence to not just do voluntary work, but take up the cause of a city that is rapidly degrading. I realize that I have the time and the energy to devote to this challenging and often frustrating task. I have always written about things, and it came as a pleasant surprise to me that many people were interested in what *I* found interesting, and wrote about. So my writing on my own blog started, and satisfied me much more than writing articles for the newspaper, which never brought the kind of feedback and interaction that my blog does. Then I started writing the Bangalore-specific stuff for Metblogs, too, and that was nice. Then Citizen Matters happened, and the writing became a little bit more serious. I concentrate on things that are of interest to the causes dear to my heart. trying to save the trees, improve the roads, introduce more cycling, and preserve the lakes...and reporting about all of it...it's beginning to take HUGE chunks out of my time, and not just my free time, which is what I wanted to do as a voluntary worker... It has not helped that KM's off day has been ...er..involuntarily (!) changed to Thursdays, because of the power staggering at the industrial complex where his unit is. Very often I find that thanks to meetings being scheduled at odd times, or watching plays, I am sitting and writing articles and reviews at times when I was never at the computer earlier. I am NOT interested in writing/reporting as a career, but at the same time, do enjoy writing, and really like the experience of gathering information and views and writing about it all. This, alas, does not happen to be a 9 to 5 kind of activity... At what point should I draw the line and say, no more? I find that when I am committed to write something, I do have a compulsion to finish it within the deadline. If there is no power through the day (as happened today) I have to sit and write in the evenings. The words "have to" have appeared here...and those are not words that I want. When "want to" starts turning into "have to", I have to pause and reflect...but I do enjoy looking around and photographing things and writing about them, and the fit is so good... Can you hear that honking noise? That comes from the horns...of my dilemma. (And that does not Emma's Hindi heart, either.) And meanwhile..here's an absolutely delightful scene that I caught... This was on my way home from the eternal war against the way things are done here (the alleged Uninterrupted Power Supply, the lack of power the whole day at home, the bank, the BSNL internet connection...) I remember a tagline from some insurance ad that said, "Daddy to dolly, everyone jolly". Here, it's Mom, the daughters (twins? I couldn't catch up with them to find out) and their dollies....it lifted my heart after a long and frustrating day. link 5 comments|post comment

What are we doing to our children? [Nov. 30th, 2007|06:59 pm] [ Tags | children, environment, guilt ] [ mood | sad ] [ music | chandrOdayam oru peNNAnathO.... ] I went to watch a children's play at Ranga Shankara a couple of days ago...and though the play was very well done, it set me thinking.... We complain so often about children being made mini-adults well before their time, by all the marketing that is aimed at them, the academic load (very literal, with the amount of schoolbooks they have to lug to school in their backpacks) they carry...but have we ever thought how we seem to be loading them up with adult concerns and guilt, too? We are such preachers. We tell our children to worry about global warming, about pollution, about water...when WE are the people who are not doing much about the mess in the first place. We fondly believe that our children will listen to our words and not to the examples we are setting. "Oh, air pollution is terrible in our city!" we exclaim to them, as we herd them into our air-conditioned cars to go across town for their tennis coaching or whatever it is. "Trees are precious! You should save our trees!" we say piously, and keep perfectly quiet when the tree in our apartment complex is chopped down. This awareness-problem has developed to the stage where no child seems to be able to write a nice simple fantasy or draw a picture which doesn't deal with ecological or environmental issues. And often, I find chilrden just parroting the politically correct stances that their parents and teachers spout on these issues, as their young minds, which should be busy with play and not loaded with worries, really cannot comprehend what these things mean. "Looks are not important!" we chorus at them, and when they switch on the TV they see ads for "Fair and Lovely" and "Fair and Handsome", in which jobs and success only follow physical beauty. "Eat healthy!" we admonish them, and then say, "if you are good, I will take you to Pizza Hut... or MacDonald's". How many parents serve fresh fruit juice at birthday parties instead of Fanta or Coke? I have not seen a single children's party where chips and fried food are not on the menu. We are not only making mini-adults of our children...we are also making mini-hypocrites of them...because the tragedy is, our children are not going to do what we say, they are going to do what we do. Our children...so often I feel sorry for them. We drive them on in the rat-race, and make sure they can not get off the eternally turning wheel.... link 11 comments|post comment

My daughter's Shakespeare verse.... [Nov. 23rd, 2007|07:32 pm] [ Tags | children, footnotes, humour, magazine, pctrsglr, photography, shakespeare, target, verse ] When she was young, my daughter regularly wrote for a children's magazine called Target, which was a very good magazine (however, it later became very urbanized and westernized and I wonder if it still exists... I know Tinkle is one magazine that is still going strong here.) Here's her effort to write like Shakespeare..that's the page, followed by the text...this was written in August 1995, when she was fourteen years old... Everyone is familiar with Shaekspeare. In fact, students studying for the Indian Certificate of Secondary Education and the Indian School Certificate have the pleasure of studying one of his plays. As an ISC student, I was forcing myself, during the holidays, to stay away from the sun and the cloudless skies. Tying myself to my study table, I began my attempt at making sense of "Twelfth Night". Each line I read only confirmed my belief that the great man found time to pursue his literary activities just after either his daily exercise (which must've included standing upside down) or after his weekly "Headbanger's Ball", both of which would ensure that the contents of his head were not quite in perfect order at the time. After little more than a page, the contents of my head seemed to me to be in very similar shape to those of his when he began writing the play. In other words, I was all set(like the great man himself) to pen my own deathless lines. Taking inspiration from the Arden edition of Shakespeare, I wrote something for Target which includes references and footnotes. Without which, like the real thing, it would seem nonsensical... AN EXTRACT FROM "THE TRAGEDY OF EDUCATION" Act XII, Scene I 1 Marry, 'tis but the black pages That keep mine hungry feet from Th' element 4 O, but if mine wanton hands could but sense those curves of carrot hue And soar 't above the eyes of all For 't but to sink again 7 Semblative any piece on this greedy ground, compassed by the fishy circle 8 And the ring repeated till rest required Footnotes: 1 Marry, 'tis but...: Yes/Alas black pages: It is studies. Black refers to the colour of the print and the pun is on black being a colour of mourning or evil. Hungry feet: longing/yearning (to set the feet upon), for wanting Element : The earth, ground or the field 4 Wanton hands : As in hands that want Sense: Hold, touch Curves of carrot hue: Sphere of orange colour, i.e. basketball Soar: Throw up high Above the eyes: May refer to both "high up" and "with all eyes on it". Sink : Fall 7 Semblative: OED (Old English Dictionary) definition as "similar to/ like" Piece: Any object Greedy ground: Alliteration. Reference is to gravity due to which the Earth lets nothing go (Rf. Greedy). "Greedy" may be a modification of the word gravity. Compassed: Encircled by Fishy Circle Refers to fishermen's nets..netted ring, i.e., basketball hoop 8 ring: Cycle/Process Ring repeated till rest required: This fine piece of alliteration suggests that the process is repeated till it becomes too tiring to continue. ******************** It made me laugh then, and it makes me laugh now... link 10 comments|post comment

Kidnapping... [Jan. 13th, 2007|06:58 pm] [ Tags | children, kidnapping, lost and found ] [ mood | comtemplative ] [ music | none ] Two days ago, I went to a local department store to buy groceries, and the poster of a child missing from 2002 caught my eye. I mused on how it must have been for the parents...it would, I thought, be easier to deal with the death of a child than the disappearance. To swing between hope and despair, endlessly...I thought about the boy, Shawn, missing when he was 10 years old. Meanwhile, another young boy had been kidnapped from Kirkwood, a neighbouring community, 4 days ago. Another set of parents who had had their daughter kidnapped (she was later found dead) had sent up the "Amber Program" so that ANYONE could report any sighting of a child looking like a kidnapped child. Quite amazingly, someone DID phone in some information...and when police raided the suspect's home, they found Shawn, the other child, as well. To find a kidnapped child alive and well would be some kind of miracle, I feel. The news still does not say if the children were abused in any way... So few of the children who go missing in India are found...would an "Amber Program" work in our country? link 3 comments|post comment

Indian/Italian/Jewish mother thing... [Dec. 18th, 2006|06:54 pm] [ Tags | children, cooking, housework, parents ] [ mood | happy ] [ music | suprabatham of MSS ] I seem to be waking up at about 5.30 am no matter where I am..and since we got back late last night and it is a Monday morning, I am now organizing packed lunch for DnA. I am NOT one of your devoted,maternal mothers, and am NOT a "make-rice-just-so-perfect" cook, but I do enjoy providing nice cooked meals for my youngsters, and helping with their home tasks while I am here. Many Indian parents I know do help out a LOT, and I have heard a lot of resentful comments about parents becoming unpaid help when they are in the US. Well...as far as I am concerned...I do enjoy it a lot. I know how hectic the pace of life is here and since I have enough time to spare from my own activiites...several hours' walk each day, internet, perhaps a half an hour of TV watching...I do enjoy the fact that in some small ways, my presence here is not an additional burden to them but is a help. But I suppose this is a two-way thing; DnA make it very clear that I am doing these little tasks of my own free will, and that they would carry on if I were not to do them. Indeed, my daughter is pretty prickly about my ever feeling that I am a unhired help! But the fact is, her kitchen is SO organized and handy, working is really enjoyable here...I do, however, like to get the cooking done and out of the way and then I enjoy the rest of the day with other activities. I enjoy planning about a day ahead.Tomorrow we run out of fresh vegetables, so I will see what happens! It is strange...I thought I was NOT the typical Indian/Italian/Jewish mother sterotype...but I still find myself wanting to help out with the housweork, and more importantly, providing food....so I suppose it is in my genes and let me not fight it! Anyone for sambar, eggplant subji, and rice? I could pack your dabbas... link 14 comments|post comment

Children's Home..... [Dec. 14th, 2006|01:09 am] [ Tags | children, happy, home, house, st.louis ] [ Current Location | St Louis, MO ] [ mood | Happy,,the long journey's over ] [ music | Singing happily to myself ] No, that is not a subject title about some place which takes in children...this is about the home that my daughter and son in law have. I do love the place. The house itself is just the right size, light and airy (though of course, not right now, central heating is on!)...and the layout is SO convenient. The open kitchen/ dining/ drawing area means that, as I write, veggies are simmering on the hob, I am typing away, and KM is (that couch potato) watching some TV....the home is SO very organized, and unnecessary junk seems to be cleared ruthlessly, and regularly, unlike in my own home. The kitchen is also organized exactly the way I would have it (figures, doesn't it? it's my child after all!!) with a huge refrigerator and some luxuries such as instant hot water all the time and a "kitchen sink shower" (I don't know what its name is, we don't have it in India and I wish we could. One can basically take the shower out on a long tube and rinse vessels when one is not stocking the dishwasher.) All their stuff is stylish and tasteful (I myself am hopelessly in love with all my old furniture and might never ever change it..) The three rooms upstairs are two bedrooms, with enough space around the furniture and one room done up as an office; the basement houses a kind of BUnny Palace (really, its HUGE and the bunnies hop around happily all over!) and has plenty of storage. The garage has space for 2 cars, DS's "hobby" Saab and daughter's Mazda...and the new DS Saab being parked outside in the driveway..it's a real home, and it's SUCH a pleasure being in it. The only thing I would carp about is that the backyard is completely disconnected from the house, so that one has to go out of the house and around the driveway to reach it, so it tends not to be used at all. If I ever figure out how to download from the Canon on to this Linux-configured laptop, you people will get pictures...until then, IMAGINE us in our Children's Home and share our happiness! Our children earn well ANd are financically responsible...such a blessing! link 4 comments|post comment

Marriage, Age, Childen, Commitment...what does marriage mean? [Oct. 5th, 2006|12:24 pm] [ Tags | children, commitment, marriage, relationships, society ] [ mood | contemplative again ] [ music | Shailesh Bhagawat, disciple of Bismillah Khan, Shehnai...Shivmat Bhaira ] .... noelladsa was told that once she crossed 30, no one would touch her with a ten-foot pole (marriage-wise). She was advised to marry someone who shared her religion and ethnicity. Which brought on this rant...probably a little incoherent, but this is on-the-spur-of-the-moment writing, and no post-processing done! I agree that  if a woman marries, the first childbirth is probably easier for her before she crosses 30. But what about all the other factors that marriage entails? Commitment, long-term if not life-time? The ability to juggle career with home and the family (because in India, the bride still marries into the family, like it or not.)? The ability to like, and respect, and love one's husband ( and this factor to me, doesn't apply to  marriage only; it could be any relationship, with a person of either gender.) For a woman, isn't the personality of the spouse very, very important. apart from, or including, his potential as a good father? So when so many important things are to be considered, why must age add to the complication? If the marriage happens before 30, well and good...but if not...who you spend your life with it is far more important than when you get married, and when  you have your first child. Having a stable relationship to bring the child into is FAR more essential...you are bringing  a human being into the world and will be responsible for that being, as a mother, ALL your life. (My child is 28 and I just have to hear that she is running a fever for the umbilical cord to feel a mighty ..er...yank--pun intended!.) I have always believed, also, that if the relationship is stable and good, the marriage certificate doesn't make much of a difference. I think  a marriage can be broken, just like an engagement or a relationship can. Perhaps marriage confers some legal protection on the woman...though even this is debatable, I feel. And most important--to me-- is whether the partners really want to marry, or are content to leave the relationship where it is. Surely, this choice should be left to them? Why is it that gay couples who want to marry are prevented from doing so, and straight couples who may not wish to, are subtly forced to marry? I have heard smirks and hidden remarks (no open criticism, oh, what hypocrisy) from some of my own friends when I strongly supported the fact that someone close to me was in a live-in relationship. I still wonder what would have been said if that relationship had not progressed into marriage. Have these people never seen marriages breaking up? I also believe that those in a stable, loving relationship should be allowed to have, or adopt, babies if they wish to....but I do realize the difficulties of assessing the stability of a relationship, before entrusting little children into it.... and this is more in the realm of the abstract right now... But I know of at least one married couple, who adopted two children, and then broke up.... Views on marriage amongst my circle range from "It's a legal validation of sex" to "It is socially meaningful, and participants in the wedding ritual should be invested in the health of the marriage."...a range of viewpoints that I think about and enjoy, even if I don't share them. In the relationship that I spoke of, the couple worked their way, in a mature manner, from relationship, to engagement, to marriage, at their own pace, and with (I like to think) little family or outside pressure. That's, ideally, what I would like to see everywhere...it will make for happier and long-lived marriages, I  think. I met a young man from Sweden who said that marriage is an option, not a mandate, in his society. That is the way I would like our society to be...but then, I realize that others have a right to their opinion, too, and that what I visualize may never happen in Indian society. noelladsa...let these doomsday prophets look for a nice "suitable" groom for you, before you get left behind on the marriage shelf, and have to invest in long poles for that purpose! It will be such a diversion to see what they can come up with.... link 22 comments|post comment

Small pleasures [Jul. 3rd, 2006|09:27 am] [ Tags | children, restaurant, spice up, udhay ] [ mood | happy ] [ music | M S Gopalakrishnan, Arangisai--Thodi ] Life consists of small,unexpected pleasures. udhay had told me about a restaurant near our place, and we decided to check it out for lunch yesterday...and who do we meet, but Udhay himself, with his beautiful wife and delightful daughter! We persuaded them to come back in and keep us company while we ate. (The restaurant is called Spice Up and though it looks like a casual eatery, the food is pretty good.) Apsara is a real delight. One can see the intelligence gleam out of her eyes. She is *thinking* when she looks at you. She enthralled Mohan by going to him immediately, which most children don't do, much to his chagrin. She smiled at us, wanted to be let loose, tried to eat the crockery and cutlery...and in general, enchanted us! I am NOT a maternal person...in fact, I have never really regretted having just one child...but children (especially in small doses, when fed and clothed!) are SO delightful! link 3 comments|post comment

Children and their lives [Apr. 1st, 2005|02:59 pm] [ Tags | children, decisions, independent, umbilical cord ] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | no music, CNBC yelling in the background... ] I am committed to the idea that the best parent is one who brings up a child to be an adult, who has a life that need have no reference to the parent, who has the strength of mind to take responsiblity and take hes own decisions....therefore, am keeping very quiet about a tough decision that my child is in the process of making....but still, I feel the pull of the umbilical cord halfway across the world.... Even spouses may not be for life, but children are... link 1 comment|post comment

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