November 20th, 2008

wave

Awful....

Awful...I visited Chennai for the first time after my brother died, exactly six months ago. My sister-in-law was away, and I entered the empty flat...

I just do not know what happened. The tears suddenly came ...in a hurricane of something that I could not even identify as emotion or grief...never, ever, have I had this unthinking or visceral a reaction in my life so far (except,I think, when I heard that my daughter had fallen on her face from a height of about 12 feet, or when I heard that she had a fast-growing lump behind her knee that the surgeon did not like the look of). It took me several minutes of crying before I could even analyse that it was grief, bereavement, and missing that bratty brother of mine with his ready wit and generous heart, and that I should control myself.

My heart is somewhere in my toes right now. Today I feel I am an island.

Don't worry, this won't last long! I will bounce back soon. But, idahoswede, I *know* how you felt that day....