January 3rd, 2011

wave

Still feeling very down...

Our mutual friends arrived from Chennai, and things have been both hectic and very depressing...went this morning to the neighbours' place, and the body was taken to the crematorium after performing some of the last rites (the son usually performs the rest at the crematorium and then consigns the mortal remains to the flames.)

The wife was still in shock and one could see periods of numbness and practicality alternating with periods of agonizing emotion. I peronally felt quite helpless to comfort or console her, apart from the fact that I was not close to her. What on earth can one say when your companion has been snatched away forever, and you are looking at a terrifying vista of loneliness?

Our friends, too, who rushed down from Chennai, were very much affected; they talked of what a fun-loving person he was, and how he had just quit his Chennai-based job to come back to Bangalore "for good"....his retirement didn't even last one month.

Personally, I feel that a quick death is the best way to go....but that's for the person who's died. For the spouse left behind, what comfort can be given? Everyone asked her to be brave, again and again, and at one point, she rebelled, crying, "I too feel like dying, right now, so don't tell me to be brave...."

The terrible pain that she's undergoing...only time will put scar tissue over the wound, and even then, a chance word, or look, or letter, or soemthing...will set all the pain off every now and then....how I wish there were a better way of handling loss, bereavement, and grief.

Will post about Manchinbele tomorrow....I must resolutely cheer myself up now.