deponti (deponti) wrote,

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Another "condolence" call....

Someone is on a mailing list, on which a friend had posted about my brother's death. This person emailed, and said they never read that mailing list. So I emailed hem back about my brother's death.

This morning, s/he called, and once again, I heard those words which are so dreadful to me...WAH? (What Actually Happened?) I *hate* hearing those words nowadays. It's....7 weeks now, and I somehow cannot go over the details...but reluctantly, I told this person.

The response? "After a certain age, we have to die!"

My brother was 50. The person who was condoling is 60! Would this person have liked to die at 50? I wonder if s/he had the idea that my brother was 80+... or was the idea to comfort me? If this is the idea...well, it did only made me say that if 50 is an age to die, one might as well die at 20 and be done with it much earlier!

Note to myself...I *must* be careful what I say, thinking that I am comforting someone in their loss...I could be opening their wounds again, and making them angry into the bargain. It's a better thing to say, "how are you feeling now?" and listen, rather than to try them high with philosophy....
Tags: bereavement, comfort, death

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