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Renewal of Gym Membership...

From:Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership
expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would
like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you
a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing
you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters



________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my
membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work
out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around
$372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is
correct and I will renew my membership immediately.

Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking
bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband..

Regards, David.

________________________________

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are
actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your
renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving
you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do
not have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff

________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.

________________________________

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six
months.

________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being
in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old
child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have
to go several days without washing.

I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come
over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited
wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined
your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after
waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect
this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to
exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying.

My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees,
Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that'
dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped
attending.

Regards, David.

________________________________

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids,
it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of
our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was
trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of
other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff

________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the
low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is
an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless
professionals.

I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected
sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would
give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back.

Advertisement

He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of
like those factories that provide a community service by employing
people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with
more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.

________________________________

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f$*k yourself.

________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are
inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next
insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt
that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse.

As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this
gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also
learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not
bode well for yourself and your shiny friends.

If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would
probably take my anger out on those around me as well.

There are probably support groups or websites that could help you
manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available
on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry
I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire
to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest
fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out
and I find myself at peace.

I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie
Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.

________________________________

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN

________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok..

________________________________

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal
Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?

________________________________




From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.
Tags: fitness, humour, internet, joke, laughter
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