· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
· Life is sexually transmitted.
· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?